The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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