This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
