I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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