i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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