Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i now understand why vodka
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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