he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize