When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
