I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
