ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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