Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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