Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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