just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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