I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
