How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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