I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
