i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
