She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
