dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
