I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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