Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
