and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
