she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
