so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize