I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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