nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you would pick up someone in the library
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
