this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My ass is underappreciated
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
