in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
