My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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