hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
