Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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