i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize