my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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