In the future we'll all be gay
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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