His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
