ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
