I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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