Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
