My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
