I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Barsexuality is the new black.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
