the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His hands were made for my vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
