Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
