So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize