FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
