This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
