doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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