remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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