This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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