my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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