Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
