Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
