Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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