It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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