Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
