so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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