upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
