That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
