Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
