The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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