Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wow bdsm is so cute
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
