I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
