I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
