Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
