I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
