Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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