I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
