so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
