I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
