I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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