We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
