i just had sex bonerless
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
