Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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