It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
