I hate all girls vehemently.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
