who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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