Apparently you make a good broom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
