i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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