Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As shirtless as possible
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
