I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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