He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You don't make any sense
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