ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
