I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
