That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
