Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
