Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
