There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
