I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize