You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
