She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
