I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
