I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
