i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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