Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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