paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We have started to decorate penises.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
