Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
