I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
