a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He did a backflip because drugs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
