things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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