my shit smells like andre
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
