shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
where am i from again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
