I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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