i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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