No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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