Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
