is wine microwaveable?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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