you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
